You Can't Intimidate Me Back Into Your Arms

Mid-kiss,
I begin to speak.

I'm not made up
Of a ball of nerves,
Or timid, unsure ways.
I will roar
Before I  will ever dare to whisper.

And yet...
There it is.
The sound of my own voice,
Waxing nonsensical
At this very inopportune moment,
When his mouth
Is seeking mine.

A quirky joke or ramble.
Another quick breath.
And, again
I'm rendered speechless,
Mid-kiss.

Let Me Out, It's Hell When You're Around

We were the hopeful.
Ever-delusional, with rose-coloured lenses
over blind eyes.

The honest truth?
One only self-admitted, jotted quickly in a hidden book;
Or within a constant thought that ran the mind crazy in lieu of sleep.

A happy ending will not dare show itself
to those who strive to convince themselves that they are already living it.

Reality may take our breath away with its many disappointments.
But existing in it is truly freeing;
only then do we know that this ending
will be a happier one.

We control it now.

My World Is Unaffected, There Is An Exit Here

The only visible light appears at the end of my lit cigarette
Your personal beacon; my failing defense mechanism.
We stand alone in a cramped, dark space.

Eyebrow raised as realization hits -
Everything here is a gradual killer.
Addictions made to order; made to suffer.
Pain for pleasure, pleasure for pain.

With a light stomp of a booted foot, the cigarette is put out.
And in this dark, you cannot see the warning smirk.

You may be the next.

...but don't we all crave something lethal?

Lightning Strikes Maybe Once, Maybe Twice

Nomadic in your ways,
wandering in a constant flurry of motion and movement;

Yet never moving at all.

Changing without change.

History fated to repeat.
Cyclic; vicious as it's always been.

Re-write my new ending, dear.
No demise has ever been nor truly will be
as beautiful.

A Name In Your Recollection

I wonder if he knows.

For a few hours,
a few days,
for a few fleeting moments,
he allowed me to forget.

In a whirlwind of pain,
he gave me brief escape.

I couldn't give him what he asked of me,
couldn't be what he needed.

For that, I am sorry.
Truly.

But I will always be grateful
that he unknowingly,
yet willingly
took some weight off my shoulders,
left me unencumbered
and able to fly free.

I was me.
Again.
Just long enough to remember
myself.

So thank you.
Your capacity to love is far greater than you know.

The Desert Is The Same On The Other Side

Do you ever think about what your life might be like
if you had never met a certain person?
It might be anyone.
Imagine how, if they had never existed in your world,
your circumstances may be completely different than they are now.

I know this is a pointless thought.
We can't truly know how subtracting certain variables in our lives might change the end results.
But still... I think about it.

Realizing that I could say the words
"I wish I never met you"
to someone, and actually mean it?
It floored me.

And, to be honest, it made me extremely sad.

But the facts don't lie, even when we lie to ourselves.
If the negative influences,
bad experiences,
and emotional distress
outweigh all the positive, beautiful things that a person has brought to our lives...
Then it's difficult not to feel this way.

Still, we have no control of the past, only the future.
So beware the arrogant and self-serving.
They'll never stop to care about how they affect you.

As for you - don't assume.
Don't assume you know who I speak of.
Because maybe...

I wish I never met you.

But there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

No One To Cry To, No Place To Call Home

I fooled them.
Tough words and careless shrugs - everyone will buy it.

I wouldn't wish those old feelings on anyone,
certainly not myself.
But they've made a home in the pit of my stomach,
to constantly make me sick
and brings tears over years upon years of hurt that go unfixed.

But they believe it doesn't matter to me.

No one knows me well enough to know better.
That in itself is what makes me sad.

My own fault, perhaps.