Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sh*tty F*cking C*nsorship

As I write this, I’m thinking about how much may be in my brain pushing to get out – but I just can’t type it. I tell myself that this blog is supposed to be for my thoughts, my gripes, my feelings about things that are going on, no matter WHAT they may be. No holds barred.

But it’s not true.

The majority of things that I’d love to type on here - for therapeutic reasons, to see what comments may result, or just to get things off my chest - I just can’t. They’re too personal, whether for me or for someone else involved.

So yes. It’s true. I (ugh, here comes the word...) censor myself.

Truthfully, I do it more for others than for my own sake. Most of my issues and questions and thoughts come from interactions with people around me. Different relationships bring up different questions that give me fuel to write, and even look for feedback.

Where should one draw the line?

Some blogs put it all out there. Readers know everything about the person: when they wake up, what they eat, who they talked to, what they did, etc, etc.... Sometimes my main blog gives brief glimpses of that, but I only give a bit.

Other blogs are cryptic. “Here’s a picture of me, but I won’t tell you my age. Here’s a list of my favourite things, but I won’t tell you what I’m thinking. Here’s the song I’m listening to, but I won’t tell you anything else about me.”

When I started this particular blog, I wanted something different from Shambled Ramblings. I wanted to spew the serious stuff here no matter what it was. Yet, as you can see, I’ve hardly done that.

I’m realizing more and more that it won’t be an online diary of sorts because I can’t put other people through the fairly public scrutiny than can come with it. Believe it or not, people do read this. Many strangers, yes – but also many people I know. And I wanted it that way. But most people in my life, I can only assume, would rather not be a part of it.

And so here is fair warning: I’m holding back from you, blog readers. But it’s only because I have a real life other than the blogosphere.

Who woulda thunk it, huh?

A real life.