I've become far too used to tears.
It seems they're present more often than not, to the point that I sometimes don't even notice that I'm crying.
When an outburst of tears came today, I had to wonder when all this started.
I didn't used to cry much.
I was sad, sure. Depressed. Unhappy.
But I rarely cried.
Somewhere in the past few years, it all changed.
And now, lately, I sometimes am unable to even speak without tears.
There's too much anger.
Too much pain, sadness and disappointment.
And other feelings that I couldn't begin to describe.
I honestly feel as though I'm going crazy.
I know I'm better than this.
But right now it's getting the better of me.
I have to fight it. And I will.
I just can't find the strength yet.
This is the bottom.
I have to get up.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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