I've become far too used to tears.
It seems they're present more often than not, to the point that I sometimes don't even notice that I'm crying.
When an outburst of tears came today, I had to wonder when all this started.
I didn't used to cry much.
I was sad, sure. Depressed. Unhappy.
But I rarely cried.
Somewhere in the past few years, it all changed.
And now, lately, I sometimes am unable to even speak without tears.
There's too much anger.
Too much pain, sadness and disappointment.
And other feelings that I couldn't begin to describe.
I honestly feel as though I'm going crazy.
I know I'm better than this.
But right now it's getting the better of me.
I have to fight it. And I will.
I just can't find the strength yet.
This is the bottom.
I have to get up.
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3 comments:
Just know you deserve to feel better. Sometimes bad things happen and sometimes people who we thought were good turn out to hurt us over and over in the end. That said you are in control, you call the shots on the KG show that is your life. no one else does or should. depression is treatable; it is real. you deserve to feel better and be cared about. remember no one can drive you crazy unless you give them the keys first. beautiful writing again.
there really is no explanation for it. my theory is that we have too much experience with the down, that now it doesn't take anything to bring that all bubbling up.
sometimes, i'll be watching t.v. and something in the show will just be so sad, and i will feel it, and i will understand it, and it will bring so much out, that i will just tear up.
norway - Thanks for the nice words. I appreciate em. And you're right... I'm trying to take control of the KG show. Consider those keys back in my pocket, so to speak.
ghost - Me too. Definitely. And songs are the worst sometimes. Or just little things. Ugh.
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