This morning I finished reading "Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas", and started a new book called "The Beauty Myth". It's a feminist view of female beauty, as it is judged.
I've only just started it, so I haven't reached the crux of the ideas yet, but it has got me thinking about women, vanity and insecurity. I've always been extremely insecure, sometimes for good reason and sometimes because my brain is crazy. A lot of it has to do with surroundings and thinking far too comparatively (i.e. - "My body doesn't look like hers." or "I wish I had her face." Horrible). I've allowed men and women to make me think less of myself, and am still trying to work past that.
That said, insecure or not, I don't think it's a bad thing to want to look your best. Not that this book is telling women to completely abhor all things 'beauty'; but I've seen, heard and read things in the past that did.
For myself, I like makeup. I like heels sometimes. I pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs, and dye my hair. These make me feel good. In some ways, they make me feel more like a woman. It's not the same for everyone, but those things are for me. Mine.
On the flip side of that, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to look my best for whomever I'm with as well. The majority of women don't exactly get excited when they see their significant other staring at another girl on the street, talking about how "hot" or "gorgeous" other women are, or flirting shamelessly with someone who isn't you. I know I don't. Depending on the severity of it, I can get downright fired up. We're competitive by nature. So will I wear an outfit that Craig likes, or do my hair his favourite way? Sure, sometimes. It's not a sin to keep interest.
I'm not a fan of how media portrays women. I'm not a fan of the idea of the "perfect female body", or using it to hock products. To put it bluntly, I think we're all fucking amazing no matter the shapes or features. But I don't think wearing things that make me feel good is a negative thing, or should be viewed as such.
After all, isn't that the point of everything? To feel good?
I think so.
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11 comments:
"but it has got me thinking about women" - I'm sorry, I stopped reading here.
Ok, I didn't. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look the best you can and sometimes be pleasing to the eye of your SO. I think that's why you always feel so good after a shower, it's just natural.
I do try and see the good in everyone no matter what their shape or size. I'm not exactly svelte myself so I probably can have more compassion than others about the plight of the "not so beautiful" or cookie cutter society beauty.
The best thing I have found to do is when you see someone that is less than pleasing or not very attractive, etc., just remember, someone out there loves that person. And that's really all that matters.
Hold me Kris.
Wil Harrison.com
Excellent response. Well said. In a word - I dig it.
I'm glad you have the views you do. It's important, and says lots about you.
Now lets hug.
As an open-minded man, I don't disagree with all femenist views. But you bring up a good point about women being told to stay away from things that are meant to make them "look their best" as you say.
But inescurity is a horrible thing to me. I've read your blog for awhile now and just started commenting but I see a gorgeous woman who has no reason to be insecure or fearful. The fact that others have made you feel this way and so has media? Its disgusting and it happens everyday to so many women.
Never let anyone make you feel like less. I bet in real life you are amazing and you should truly celebrate that as all women should.
Thank you.
Those are very kind words, and I gotta say... it makes me happy to see two men with some kind of understanding about this stuff.
I'm impressed.
Life is a bitch.
But you have a responsibility to yourself to set your own parameters and decide what you are willing to accept.
You go to sleep alone, and wake up alone, you owe you love and admiration first, before all else. In those two aforementioned brief instances, you must remember you. You have 24 hours, and 55 minutes to keep everyone else happy, and you will never be happy doing that if you don't use the other 5 minutes properly to remind yourself just how great you really are.
Yep. You're right.
The onus is on us to make us feel good. In a way, that's sorta what I'm saying. I do things that make me feel good BECAUSE they make me feel good.
But that doesn't mean that other people and media and everything else in our lives don't affect our views of ourselves. Of course they do.
Everything is relative.
But at the end of the day, yes, we only have ourselves to answer to.
I think it is horrible how much I let what others think about me effect the way i feel about myself. Just the other night I was feeling very unattractive (due to not getting the attention i thought i deserved) ... i went in my room and slammed the door and then stood there looking at myself. I came out and shouted "I AM ATTRACTIVE AND SOMEONE WILL WANT ME". He laughed and said ... I am someone ... who does want you.
I am always down on myself. Been cheated on by every guy I date and i'd like ot blame it on that. But i know my feelings of self worth are MY feelings and only I can change them.
One of the major obstacles in this situation is fear of judgement, and it is really a catch 22. Aside from the concern a woman may have of feeling unattractive, the 'pretty barbie' is under AT LEAST as much the scrutiny as her dumpy counterpart. Every time the subject of beauty comes up there is without fail a nuance of guilt when a woman tries to make herself look better –(the “if I take the time and resources to look good, it means that I'm a vain person!” mentality). As a result it invariably gets qualified unnecessarily. My feeling is that if you can nail a look that you want, go for it. It is not an easy thing to do, and there is no other discipline that is encumbered by having to negotiate modesty. Can you imagine a guitar player confining himself to 'hot crossed buns,' not for a lack of skill, but because 'little wing' would be too bombastic? As a general rule, men do not understand this. When a woman says 'I'm doing this to make myself feel better,' he will typically read it as 'the attention I get by looking good will make me feel better.' Most of the time this could not be further from the truth; more often the source of satisfaction comes from achieving the look, rather than the attention. Achievement stems agency, which is the rosetta stone of empowerment - not something to feel guilty or abashed.
-k
Erin - Glad to see you commenting here. And I've felt that exact same way many times, but you're smarter - you acted and got a reaction instead of hiding it and letting it fester. I like it.
K - Awesome comment. A totally different perspective that most people would never even think of, but it's true. Bottom line, every one wants to be their best in some way. Beauty can be an acheivement if "done" for the right reasons, I suppose. It all depends on the though behind it and mentality.
Oh God, has she been stretched too thin? Oh the humanity!
Wil Harrison.com
Heh.
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